Is F1 barking up the wrong tree with its anti-jewellery stance?

I never thought the day would come when I’d look at Lewis Hamilton and think, ‘Titanic’. Not ‘titanic’ in the sense of ‘monumental’ or ‘immense’ (all of which could be applied to the multiple world champion with reasonable justification); but ‘Titanic’, as in the ship that hit an iceberg and sank so famously in 1912.

This bizarre connection was made while listening to Hamilton’s reaction to the equally peculiar FIA edict concerning an F1 driver’s personal apparel. You know, the bulletin on the weekend of the Australian GP that mentioned drivers’ piercings and underpants and was listed just after legislation on serious matters such as yellow flags and track hazards.

In summary, document five reminded drivers that the wearing of jewellery is prohibited – the race director, Niels Wittich, subsequently adding the subject of proper flameproof underwear during what you might say was an appropriately named ‘briefing’ affecting a ticklish area.

No F1 driver in their right mind would don anything other than the very best fire-resistant material. What they wear underneath that flameproof layer is, I would have thought, up to them. In any case, I’m not aware of any brand of underpants claiming the ability to sit in a fire for 30 seconds as a comfort zone benefit, along with ‘four-way stretch, freedom of movement and a pouch to keep everything in place’ (to quote the blurb from one purveyor of pants).

Even if flameproofing was an option offered by Marks & Spencer, Calvin Klein and the rest, would drivers, in the interests of a less-intrusive FIA inspection, be required to wear them outside their Nomex long-johns in the manner of Superman? (Or Sebastian Vettel for that matter! - ed). You could have sold tickets to hear Kimi Raikkonen’s response to such a request had he still been in F1.

On the question of jewellery, Hamilton looked as non-plussed as everyone else when the matter was raised. Referring to his earrings, he said: “They’re literally welded on, so I’d have to get them chopped off…they’ll be staying.” The only surprise to me was his reference to welding.

Sebastian Vettel protested the tightening of rules over underwear and jewellery by wearing his boxer shorts over his race suit before Miami GP first practice

Photo by: Zak Mauger / Motorsport Images

My original understanding of the art stemmed solely from the hard men I used see at the end of a day’s graft in Belfast’s Harland & Wolff shipyard. You’d find them in the dockside pubs on a Friday night working through their pay packets and pints of Guinness. Perched high on scaffolding planks around the emerging shape of a vast ship, they were as tough as the sheets of steel being fused into place.

Welding was beyond my remit in the 1960s, as the phantom reader of motorsport weeklies while supposedly studying for some qualification or other. I did learn more in later years when talking to the mechanics who built world championship Tyrrells in a Surrey woodyard.

But even now, all I know is that various forms of welding stretch back to the days when the Belfast boys drove massive rivets into the sides of the Titanic. Most of the methods appear to involve some sort of white-hot flame. Thinking about it, having a jeweller, no matter how expert, approach your earlobes with a blow torch must make running side-by-side with Max Verstappen at 180mph into Copse a piece of cake.

Clearly keen to get away from his predecessor’s now infamous ‘Help Line for Distressed Team Principals’, the race director has been laying down the law – and rightly so – in relation to matters such as track limits and Safety Car restarts

Jackie Stewart was the first driver I heard mention the potential hazards of wearing jewellery in a racing car. It was not something you thought about in the 1950s, as the likes of Stirling Moss sported a watch on one arm and an identity bracelet on the other. These seemed as reasonable as the polo shirt allowing full view of his sun-tanned limbs and accompanying accoutrements.

By the time Stewart arrived in F1 in the mid-60s, overalls and gloves covered timepieces and trinkets. But the Scot had become aware of the risks associated with anything worn on the arm being caught by debris in the event of an accident. When he spoke of a driver’s hand being ‘degloved’ of skin, little was left to the imagination.

Stewart might have been one of the first to remove such personal effects before climbing into the cockpit, but it presented a commercial problem which, typically, the canny wee man from Dunbartonshire used to his advantage. Jackie bought his first Rolex in 1966, a proud purchase that had as much to do with brand association as it did with actually telling the time.

It later became part of his routine to remove the watch and hand it to Ken Tyrrell – and no one else – before stepping into the cockpit. (Tyrrell said he didn’t mind playing a part in this ritual, his only objection being that he had to hand the watch back as soon as the race was over).

Jackie Stewart would always take off his Rolex and hand it to team boss Ken Tyrrell before each race

Photo by: Rainer W. Schlegelmilch / Motorsport Images

Stewart’s attachment to the Rolex soon went beyond wearing it on his left wrist. It didn’t take long for financial considerations to come into play. Rolex made the most of this by producing a clever advert stating: ‘There’s only one time world champion Jackie Stewart takes off his Rolex: when he puts on his fireproof underwear.’

Stewart’s research into fire protection revealed the risk of severe burning caused by medallions and such quickly overheating in a blaze. It was a point that had to be made back in the day, even though it seems obvious now and hardly worth reminding drivers of the latent threat.

But that’s what Niels Wittich did in Australia and again in Miami. Clearly keen to get away from his predecessor’s now infamous ‘Help Line for Distressed Team Principals’, the race director has been laying down the law – and rightly so – in relation to matters such as track limits and Safety Car restarts. But to treat 20 F1 drivers as karting novices seemed like…well, pants in every sense.

Lewis Hamilton made his own point about the clampdown on jewellery during the Miami GP

Photo by: Steve Etherington / Motorsport Images