Monte Carlo or bust (up)

Monaco was a race which promised so much excitement, but failed to deliver, until a full scale rumpus kicked off in the paddock afterwards. David Coulthard's problem at the start of the formation lap robbed us of a potentially great battle. All was not yet lost however, and for a while Mika Hakkinen kept right on Michael Schumacher's tail. It was anybody's guess how things would work out over the obstacle course that is the Monaco GP, and clearly the pit stops were going to be crucial.

Then Mika slowed and faded from the picture. The Ferrari fans went nuts, but watching at the Swimming Pool, I was massively disappointed. Not that I was rooting for either man in particular - I just wanted to see a fight. Instead we focussed on a rookie in an Arrows leading the Monaco pole man around for lap after lap.

Having failed to make a decisive move when he first came up behind Enrique Bernoldi, the delayed DC lost momentum, and was clearly distracted. In contrast Bernoldi's confidence grew by the lap. You could understand David's predicament; if he smashed his nose on the back of the Arrows, he would look stupid, not least because he'd got involved in a tangle in similar circumstances in Spain.

Dennis felt that Bernoldi should have made way for David, because the latter was a World Championship contender. True, but at the same time we were being told that the title situation was not yet clear, and there were no team orders in the Woking camp. So an Arrows was expected to wave a McLaren past - and yet Mika Hakkinen wasn't expected to do so.

Try explaining that to someone with only a casual interest in our sport. The irony was of course that this came shortly after Rubens Barrichello had moved over for Michael right at the end of the Austrian GP, a tactic that had brought condemnation from Ron, who quite rightly makes much of the fact that McLaren has two drivers of equal status. But place swapping is common in rallying, and perhaps Norbert Haug should have taken a close look at the DTM, where for years Mercedes has favoured Messrs Ludwig and Schneider at the expense of others.

Anyway, Ron had endured a terrible day, with a technical problem stranding David, and Mika failing to finish. Both men had a bone fide chance of beating Schumacher, not least because of the MP4-16's ability to go longer on fuel, and yet the chance was squandered. And, as we were to find out later, this was also the weekend that Hakkinen first brought up the subject of a sabbatical...

It was not surprising that Ron was a little frustrated at the end of the race, and when he bumped into Bernoldi, he told the youngster what he thought. To some it seemed like an angry parent at a junior kart meeting accosting a nine-year-old who had dared to punt little Johnny off the track.

It was just as well that 'Big Daddy' Tom Walkinshaw wasn't in the vicinity when the initial conversation took place. There's an understanding amongst team bosses that they don't speak to drivers from rival teams in such circumstances. It's up to the driver to seek out a colleague with whom he has a grudge.

"They wouldn't have done that to Michael or Jacques, or someone with balls," one driver told me with a smile. When he heard what had happened, Walkinshaw was incensed, and understandably so. I've known Tom for 15 years and seen the red mist descend on many occasions, but this was as good as it gets. A man-to-man conversation between Tom and Ron would at least have avoided any misinterpretation, and I would have loved to have been a fly-on-the-wall...

And this was a very much a case of minding your language. Tom understood that Ron and Norbert had told Enrique that they could "end his career," although other versions suggested the actual wording was along the lines of "you won't last long in F1 if you drive like that again," which seemed a little less harsh. Similarly Dennis hit the rev limiter after Enrique told him that he was just following orders.

Ron instantly smelled a conspiracy to deprive DC of victory, when all that happened was that Arrows had pointed out that the Scot was on the same lap, and thus Bernoldi was under no obligation to let him through. Ron soon made his feelings known to the media. A cynic might say that by focussing on Bernoldi he successfully diverted attention away from the mechanical gremlins that had struck the team. Haug was equally wound up, and said that if Tom had a problem, he could ring him up.

"He has my number, because he's asked me for engines," said Norbert. "And you can print that!" It was all great fun, and as is the way in F1, it was all forgotten within a couple of days.

Although don't expect to see Enrique ever hired as a McLaren test driver...