When F1 drivers suffer in-cockpit distractions

In the avalanche of pre-season press releases, it may have escaped your notice that Formula 1 has got itself an official vodka partner for the first time. The blurb said something about a ‘pursuit of exclusive moments’ and I discovered the true meaning when Ferrari introduced what you might call ‘an exclusive moment of comedy’ in Melbourne.

During a dull spell around lap 30 of the Australian Grand Prix, Charles Leclerc gets on the radio and asks his engineer if there’s a leakage because his seat is full of water. Bryan Bozzi replies: “Must be the water.” Which is like Leclerc asking about his race pace and being told: “Oh it’s great, Charles. You’re going REALLY fast.”

Joking aside, finding an unexpected item in a driver’s bragging area mid-race can be distracting at best, and painful at worst. During the parade lap for the 2001 Canadian GP, David Coulthard felt something rattling around in the cockpit of his McLaren-Mercedes. In the forlorn hope that it might be a screwdriver or a mechanic’s half-eaten sandwich (highly unlikely thanks to the meticulous Ron Dennis who wouldn’t allow a coffee cup on an office desk, never mind a slice of bread – not even wholewheat – in his immaculate garage), Coulthard eventually fished out a locking washer. That may sound an innocuous piece of kit but, without it, the left-front suspension wouldn’t work as it should. 

During the race, one look at the virtually unused tread on the left-front Bridgestone said everything about the MP4-16 three-wheeler Coulthard was grappling with for most of the afternoon. Eventual retirement due to an overheating engine brought frustration tinged with relief, the left-hand side of the car having become red hot through dragging on the ground in right-handers – of which there are several on Circuit Gilles Villeneuve. Not that you would necessarily be minded to do such a thing, but it was best not to pat DC on his left buttock for the rest of the day.

Returning to this year’s Australian GP, there was a bout of mild overheating in the cockpit of Lewis Hamilton’s Ferrari as his engineer received some stick during their first race together. At least Riccardo Adami understood what his new driver was on about.
 
In April 1998, Luca Baldisseri had become accustomed to Eddie Irvine’s Northern Ireland accent and blunt messaging during two seasons together at Ferrari. Halfway through the Argentinian GP, however, the Italian race engineer had to resort to his mental ‘Google Translate’, just to be sure Irvine wasn’t making some lewd suggestion at a point when the Ulsterman’s mind should have been on something else – like helping Ferrari take the fight to McLaren by getting himself onto the podium.

Having finished championship runner-up in the previous two seasons, Ferrari had been continuing a gradual return to contention in 1998 with fourth place for Irvine at the opening round in Australia and a podium for Michael Schumacher in Brazil. The problem was, McLaren had clean sweeps in both races. Argentina then looked more promising as Schumacher claimed a place on the outside of the front row, with Irvine directly behind his team-mate, the two black-and-silver cars (Mika Hakkinen behind Coulthard’s pole position MP4-13) on their right.

Not all is as it seems: Eddie Irvine battles Alexander Wurz in Buenos Aires in 1998

Photo by: Motorsport Images

It turned out to be a rough old race as Schumacher had a barging match with Coulthard before setting up Ferrari’s first win of the season. With Hakkinen nearly half a minute behind and Coulthard back in sixth place, Ferrari’s chase of McLaren in the championship would be strengthened further if Irvine could hold onto third in a close fight with the Benetton of Alexander Wurz.

That’s when Baldisseri had cause to pause in the same way you do a double take each time President Donald Trump opens his mouth. Irvine appeared to be saying he was fiddling between his legs.

“Repeat, please.”

“I’ve a problem with something between my legs.”

There’s no quick answer to that. Not unless you’re a Drive to Survive editor.

This ‘something between my legs’ turned out to be a bolster fitted inside the cockpit and hung down between the driver’s knees as a means of preventing his legs from banging together. Feeling the bolster come loose, Irvine was afraid it would break away and cause havoc in the footwell. What he didn’t know was that it had been heavily taped in place and would not have come adrift in any case. 

When talking after the race about his battle with Wurz (in which Irvine prevailed) while coping with the cockpit malfunction, there was a mischievous twinkle as Irvine added: “I just kept fiddling around and banging away.”

You’d never hear one of today’s drivers come out with something like that. Such a statement could have you doing a month’s missionary work for the FIA in Milton Keynes. You could claim, of course, that it was the ‘pursuit of an exclusive moment’. And earn a Michael Masi Unmerited Bonus Point if you mention the preferred brand of vodka.

DC enjoys a left-hander at the 2001 Canadian GP. The respite will be but brief...

Photo by: DaimlerChrysler