Dodgy Business

"I feel a bit of a fraud," Patrick Head said last Sunday night, as he stepped up on stage at the Autosport Awards to receive the John Bolster Award for thirty years of achievement at the top of motorsport.

He shouldn't. Okay, as Patrick pointed out, Williams hasn't done anything truly spectacular this year, although if you worked there and were responsible for the progress made from '06, you'd probably beg to differ. I kind of know how Patrick felt. I remember feeling a tad embarrassed when I was awarded my half house colours for finishing fifth in the 800 metres ...

But when you look at the Williams contribution to F1 since Frank and Patrick got together 30 years ago, nobody could possibly argue with Head picking up another gong.

Being the kind of bloke he is, Patrick just gets on with things and doesn't expect to be feted. I remember 12 years back, when he picked up the Racing Car of the Year Award for the Williams FW17, he stopped at the Benetton table on the way back and apologised, telling them it should have gone their way for the B195, which had won 11 races.

Patrick Head at the Autosport Awards © LAT

On balance though, the verdict was probably right. Benetton had enjoyed the unfair advantage of M Schumacher in the cockpit.

That had been the year before Damon Hill won his title with Williams and Schuey had given them a bit of a pasting more than once, much to his evident enjoyment. Patrick has never been one to hide his feelings very well, and there had been frustration in the final race at Suzuka where both Damon and David Coulthard spun their cars into the gravel at the Spoon Curve, a couple of laps apart.

Truth told, Damon had made a bit of a horlicks of that afternoon. On a wet track he'd been monstered by Jean Alesi as Michael disappeared up the road, then he'd slid off at Spoon Curve and damaged the car, losing a more time in the pits when the fitment of a new nose proved a bit problematic.

When he slithered off again for good at Spoon a few laps later, he'd been more than a minute behind Michael.

In the post-race press scrum at Williams, one hapless hack said to Patrick, "Damon reckons he lost an unnecessary seven or eight seconds at the pit stop ..." Oops, I thought, mentally putting on my tin hat and searching for cover.

"Does he?" boomed Patrick, left eyebrow climbing in true Patrick Moore fashion. "Well go and ask him what happened to the other fifty-five!"

Frank, asked about Patrick's most endearing feature after 30 years together, summed it up perfectly last Sunday: "It's his brilliant ability to be politically incorrect at all times ..."

The modern world needs more Patrick Heads. I actually thought of him again on Monday when, dashing back north. I stopped to pick up a quick coffee at a McDonalds. Not advisable, I know, but there you go.

Suddenly an announcement from some nearby speakers told everyone that their actions were being monitored and recorded on CCTV. For your own protection, of course. Admittedly we were quite close to Liverpool, but everyone in the immediate vicinity seemed quite happy with their burgers and cappuccinos and there was no sign of anyone harbouring a desire to beat up a granny.

Big Brother, or what? Monitoring and inspecting is everywhere these days of course, something they are well aware of down Woking way. Which is why I was delighted to see Paddy Lowe, Pat Fry and Co picking up the International Racing Car of the Year Award for the McLaren MP4-22.

No disrespect to the Ferrari lads who did such a good job with the F2007 as well, but I don't think too many people would argue. Certainly no need for McLaren to feel like frauds either ...

Great it was, too, to see Jackie Stewart and Dario Franchitti on stage together chewing the fat about things interesting. With a Scotsman you're pretty much guaranteed either a skirt or a pair of trews that Rupert Bear has put in the wash with his jeans. With JYS we've got used to the latter, but I seem to remember that Dario usually wears a kilt.

Sir Jackie Stewart and Dario Franchitti at the Autosport Awards © LAT

It was trousers this time, and there was a more serious side to it. They hadn't co-ordinated their attire, Dario was actually wearing McRae tartan, the much-lamented late Colin being the subject of a special tribute which contained some truly awesome footage.

JYS had a serious message about F1 as well.

"It's as strong as it's ever been at any time in its history," he said, "But we have to be careful. A lot of the paymasters who write the cheques are in this room tonight. We have to conduct the sport in a fashion that can provide the confidence to their shareholders that they should remain in F1 ..."

You couldn't help but think of Renault when he said that ...

As for Dario, well, what a year! Another hero of his was Jim Clark, and some 42 years after Clark won the Indy 500, Franchitti emulated him and got to drink the milk at the Brickyard.

He also won the IRL championship on the last lap of the last race in the most dramatic fashion when Scott Dixon ran out of fuel. Had he given it up?

"Och no," Dario smiled. "I was lining him up for a pass. Like a true Scotsman I'd saved a bunch of fuel. You know, just imagining that I had to pay for it myself ..."

The 500, the title, and those two monstrous cart-wheeling shunts all in the same year!

If you haven't seen them, I apologise, but they are two of the hairiest looking accidents you could ever imagine. On stage, Franchitti talked them through.

"Err, my Mum's here tonight and she's not seen them," he began. "So sorry Mum, shut your eyes ...

"The first one, well, I got together with my old mate [Dan] Wheldon and up I went. I know it looks horrendous, but really it wasn't a problem. Well, not until the roll hoop broke off and my head started to scrape along the floor ... But it was fine, it didn't hurt at all.

"The second one was a different matter. That was a mistake by me and my spotter. I was concentrating so hard on making up places that I didn't realise the race had finished and I went straight over the back of the car in front.

"That really hurt. My knees took the steering wheel off. It was only five days after the first shunt ...

"I felt a bit out of it for about a week after that one. Next time I tested I still felt a bit strange but I couldn't afford to because of the championship fight. I just had to get on with it ..."

A different breed. 2007: Truly, never a dull moment.