Between the Lines

I had chosen my seat quite carefully for Colin Kolles' press briefing in the Jordan terrace on the Friday at the Canadian Grand Prix. It was right alongside Kolles and the television microphones.

Maybe it was a little too close.

The previous day, Jordan announced the departure of Trevor Carlin as sporting director. The press release was scarcely believable. Both sides were diplomatic, citing 'personal' reasons for the divorce. It was a face-saving exercise that could only be viewed with skepticism. Therefore, Kolles' briefing would be an interesting one. He knew he faced a barrage of awkward questions and prepared accordingly...

Easy starter. "So Colin, tell us about the car?"

"We get new stuff every day like mushrooms coming up from the ground."

Pardon me?

I thought I hadn't heard the answer properly. But yes, it was clear from the wall of bemused journalists that this was a curious way of telling us that more developments were coming on the currently-underperforming Jordan.

Ok. Let's move on. What about Jordan's bills then?

"I think that if we see a sea with big waves, the waves are now getting smaller."

The needle, it seemed, was stuck on some sort of Eric Cantona tribute EP. All we needed was a few seagull references, a couple of karate kicks and we would have an album's worth of material. Kolles was on a roll.

I asked my question.

"Mr Kolles, with Trevor Carlin's departure, does that not devalue the Jordan team even more?"

Kolles, leaned forward, his nose not much more than six inches away from own. "You are wrong, completely wrong."

"Ok, so th..."

Kolles interrupted: "Jordan used to be a nice villa but nobody invested into this castle and then you have to renovate it. Before that you have to take the old walls out to clean it and freshly build it up. If you don't it clean after two years it will break down. Not only with a castle but with a car. You have to get rid of the rust, you can't just put some sticker over it."

In fact, the above is an edited transcription. A verbatim account of the house/walls/villa/castle/ car/rust simile would take up the whole of this page.

Once Kolles had finished wringing every last piece of imagery out of this parallel, his perspiring brow moved away from mine. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

But I was too dumbstruck to counter. I had got lost in the castle Kolles had created. My mind had wandered into a fantasy world of Gandalf, Rapunzel, Rumpelstiltskin, King Arthur and... oh Lord, where am I?

Somebody was staring at me. It was Kolles' big ol' face. He had seen that I was trying to rile him and was expecting a responding broadside. I looked at him blankly. He realised my question bank was empty. I had been felled by a metaphorical chainsaw.

Kolles is not your typical team boss. He looks like the man who comes round to fit wood flooring in your kitchen and his tools are just as blunt.

Dripping with sweat, he explained that Carlin was finding the 90-minute commute to the Jordan factory in Silverstone too taxing. It was gossamer thin and insulting.

When asked about Jordan's engine situation, Kolles steered clear of the poetry, proffering the bland: "Wait and see."

He fudged issues and peppered answers with vague conspiracies and fact-free insight. Specifics were traded for generalities. Verbosity was frequently used to muddy the waters.

In spite of all this, I quite liked Kolles. If nothing else, he provided some welcome entertainment and engaging smile.

Around the paddock he was vilified by journalists and established faces.

But I like that. Not fitting in is to be admired in my book. People like this add to the mix and we are all richer for it.

Kolles will not doubt continue to irritate us all in the months to come. The Jordan saga promises more revelation and of course, it remains to be seen whether Kolles is really a villain or a victim.

But for now, let's just enjoy the character as he fights a war to stay the king of his castle.

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- The Autosport.com Team

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